Gus s POV
We started out as Best friends are what jack and I were. We have known each other since i was 8 years old. The two of us have been through a lot together. I was there for jack when he lived with his new dads, I was there for him when his brother jason entered the picture and when his mom died. I was there as a best friend, though so it was very different from the things that I m feeling for him now. Right now, all I know is that I love jack but I don t know if he loves me back in this way. jack probably still thinks of me as his brother.
Me? I m not feeling very brotherly. I don t know when it happen. I just know that one day I woke up and realized that I m in love with jack. Actually, that I have been in love with jack. All I know is that I imagine what it would be like to kiss him or to sleep with him. This is all new to me. I ve never been attracted to another guy before. I ve always thought i attracted to kely. At least, that s what I always told myself. I ve finally let myself accept the truth. I m gay and I m in love with my best friend jack. I don t really remember when I realized this.
I just know that since I ve admitted my feelings for jack to myself, that nothing has been the same. I have broken up with kely, much to the dismay of my moms and her mom but I decided that I couldn't continue living a lie. The thing is I didn t know it was a lie at first. I mean I love kely and I always told myself that it would be enough, that it would have to be enough but it wasn t. Now, when I m out running an errand or just hanging out, I find myself checking out the men I see and this is a first for me. I don t know if I should tell jack or not.
I don t think that I will, though. I don t think that it s a good idea. I m afraid that this will ruin our friendship and in hiding my feelings, I know that we will still be able to remain friends. The other reason I have to hide my feelings is because I don t want kely to know. I hurt her badly when I broke up with her and since I was feeling bad about it, I told her that I m gay. However, I never told her who I m really in love with. I don t think that she or anyone else would be able to handle the fact that I m in love with jack. I just know that if anyone finds out, it will be the end of everything I know and love And the start of gus your not gay just because we are you think that way.
I get the feeling sometimes, that even though I haven t told Shawn about my feelings for him, he knows about them. I haven t been looking at him any differently than I have always looked at him but I think that he s been reading between the lines. I ve told Eric everything and from what he tells me, I think that Shawn might already know about my feelings for him. I mean if Eric knows then Shawn pretty much has to know as well. Eric is the most self-obsessed and oblivious person but yet he knew before I even told him that I m gay. That s actually kind of scary if I let myself think about it, so I won t.
I don t know what I m going to say to jack if he asks me what s going on. I ve been doing my very best to avoid him lately but I know that he s going to catch on soon. When he does, I know that jack s going to demand answers and I m afraid that I might give myself away. I m also afraid of losing our friendship if he ever finds out. Some people would think that this is the best thing that could ever happen to them, to be in love with their best friend. Not me, because this could ruin everything. Sometimes, when friendship becomes ... something more, it s not always a good thing. What if jack finds out and hates me?
What if he finds out and he feels the same and we get together and end up breaking up? Then our friendship will be completely ruined. What if I told jack that I love him and he decides to let me down gently? I don t think I would be able to stand being let down gently and then seeing him with a girl an hour or a day later. I mean, I know what he s like but part of me wonders if it s fair of me to ask him to love me and only me. As I sit on the sofa in the apartment, I jump when there s a knock on the door. Forcing me to get up and answer it, I pray to myself, hoping with everything in me, that its not jack.
However, my prayers go unanswered, for when I open the door jack is standing before me. I can only stand here staring at him, wondering if he knows and is coming to tell me that we are no longer friends. But as I look into his eyes I see something in them that I ve never seen before, which is why I m taken completely by surprise when Jack pulls me into his arms and kisses me. I feel my mind short-circuiting as it tries to process this piece of information but before I can, the kiss is over and jack is pulling back. You re a moron, gus. All you had to do was ask me if I was in love with you, instead of trying to play straight just to please me. Before I can can say anything, Jack pulls me into a kiss once more. It s all I can do to keep from wrapping my arms around jack s waist and pulling him inside the apartment and into my bedroom. So I ll settle for the kisses right now until we are both ready for more. When the kiss ends this time, I smile as jack invites himself into my apartment and asks if we can watch a movie. I agree and after quickly closing and locking the door, I take a seat on the couch next to jack. I m surprised when he pulls me into his lap and starts sucking on my earlobe. As we get comfortable, I rearrange myself on his lap since I can feel him already getting hard. After the movie we are going to have to talk about what we both want out of this. The End.