Never Walk Alone

He had shown up at Justin’s prom looking stressed to be in the same place as hundreds of 18 years olds. But as soon as his eyes connect with Justin's he was rewarded with a Sunshine smile. Justin just knew he was freaking out and tried to ease the tension.

Brian remembered the look on Justin's face and how beautiful Daphne looked. He borrowed her date and they danced, and danced, twirling around the dance floor as the song "Save the Last Dance" played. Everyone stopped dancing to watch them. They danced together as if nothing else existed in this world. It was just the two of them in a world of music, love and belonging.

That’s what Brian thought of sitting in that chair in the hall of the hospital corridor heading toward the ER.

Love. 'You should have told him', a little persistent voice was shouting in his head 'you should have told him'.

He told him, he told him everything in the ambulance during the ride to the hospital. He told the paramedics he was Justin's partner. When Brian told Justin he loved him, he was rewarded the moment Justin's hand tightened his grip around his own hand. He asked if Justin had heard him and when Justin squeezed his hand again he whispered “I love you”. Justin opened his eyes and smiled just before drifting into unconsciousness.

Yes, Brian was rewarded because he took the chance to tell him, but was it too late?

He remembered the first time he was here with Justin - it was 8 months ago, for Gus’s birth. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he saw himself, Justin and Michael running down the hospital hallway. He remembered that it was Justin who named his son. Justin.

***
A shadow passed before his eyes; it was Michael. He sat near Brian trying to comfort him by massaging his neck. Another shadow passed; Justin’s mom. She took the other chair near Brian, waiting for him to say something. He just took her hand and squeezed it, unable to speak. She told him she had called Craig and he would show up in a little while.

The moment he showed up everything began to spin, his accusing finger waving toward Brian as if it were all his fault. Like Justin being gay could be his fault. Jennifer and Craig began to fight about Brian's presence there, but they never finished the conversation.

The doctor came out from the ER and the look on his face told them everything. Jennifer broke into tears unable to handle the situation as Brian slumped into his seat, putting his head in his hands. Debbie broke into tears, and Michael went to comfort her. Daphne, who was waiting with the rest of the gang, sat next to Brian to bring him silent support, even if she was in tears. Craig ran away and threatened Brian that he would pay for Justin dying.

After what seems like hours, Brian finally came out of his daze. Daphne was still sitting near him, holding his hand and told him Jennifer had left a long time ago after her goodbyes to Justin, as well as the rest of the gang, until Michael was the only other person, besides Daphne, waiting for him.

All three of them stood up. Brian dismissed Michael telling him he could go home and that he would bring Daphne home. He needed to do something before leaving the hospital.

The medical unit hadn’t moved Justin yet. He was still on the bed.

His deathbed, thought Brian.

He walked toward the bed unable to think of how beautiful Justin was tonight and how much love he had felt between them. He leant toward him, and kissed him softly on the lips and whispered, “Love you, always have, and always will.” He then took his bracelet off and put it on Justin's wrist; he didn’t need it anymore.

Brian finally left the hospital with Daphne two hours later. He hailed a cab, brought Daphne home and headed to Debbie’s. Once there, he walked directly to Justin’s room, gathering every notebook, every book, and every cloth - everything - which belonged to the young boy and put it delicately in his duffle bag and school bag. Once this was done, he headed downstairs and walked back to his loft. He didn’t say a word, didn’t cry, he just did it.

Three days later, a hundred unanswered phone calls from Debbie, Michael, Jennifer, and the whole gang, he heard someone knocking on his door. It wasn’t the annoying knock of Michael or Debbie - it was soft… Brian stood up from his spot on the couch and opened the door. He was face to face with Jennifer.

She wanted to know if he planned to come to the ceremony. Yes.
If he wanted to says something. Yes.
If he wanted to add something on the tombstone. Yes.
If he had her son’s belongings. Yes.
If he wanted to keep them. Yes.
If he wanted some more - like the sketchbook that Brian's name was scribbled on. Yes.
If she could do something to ease his pain. No.

Jennifer leaned toward him, caressing his cheek, and depositing a light kiss on his cheek, whispered, “I don’t hate you because he loved you. I thank you for what you’ve done for him.” She hugged him, and Brian broke down, sliding to the floor, crying in Jennifer Taylor's tight embrace.

***
He went to her condo with Daphne, and they rode to the church in silence. He wanted to disappear and stay in the back, but Jennifer took his hand and he sat between her and Daphne, in the front row. Just behind them sat the whole gang and farther back a colorful mass of people, mostly from Liberty Avenue and some students. But there was no trace of Craig Taylor.

The casket was elegant, in white beech, with a bunch of black butterfly and china lilies lying on the top; Justin's favorite flowers. Mine too, thought Brian.

The ceremony was short and everyone was ready to leave until Craig Taylor stepped in the church and walked toward the altar. He began to speak about his beautiful son, how he was during childhood, and the fact that in a few years he would be a happily married businessman. Hearing that Brian stood up and walked near him, asking him if he was really sure of that, and Craig answered affirmatively. Brian took the few notes from Craig's hands but he continued anyway. “He would be a talented businessman and he would have been the successor of my business in a few years. The Taylor’s name would always be respected.”

At that last word Brian huffed a laugh and looked at all the people sitting in front of him.

“Justin was a talented artist. He drew and sketched everything and everyone. He would never have been a businessman because it was against his nature. He was a loving, caring, smart, and beautiful person,. He would never have gotten married to some girl or fiancée you could have choose for him because he was gay."

I met him one night and from the first second I looked into his eyes I knew that he would take an important place in my life. The most important place in my life. And if you want to know if I loved him, the answer is, Yes, I love him, more than anything else, and I wanted to tell him that night. I wanted to tell him how important he was for me. That’s why I showed up at his prom and that’s why I danced with him. But some asshole took him away from me.”

Brian looked into Craig's eyes to see only anger and pain, and then into Jennifer and Daphne’s and saw love and pain. He started to walk back to the pew and as he was passing the casket some tears escaped his hazel eyes. It was too much, far too much.

An hour later he was standing in front of Justin’s grave, between Jennifer and Daphne, the gang behind them and on the other side, Craig and the rest of the family. Everything went in a blur. The sun was high just to taunt everyone.

Jennifer told everyone to come to her condo for the wake, but Daphne went home, so Brian went back to the loft.

When the tombstone was placed in the ground a couple days later, it was simple and marked in gold letters.

Justin Taylor
March 1983 - May 2001
Beloved Son
Loved partner and friend
Sunshine of our life

Every day a new black butterfly lily could be discovered on top of it and every evening a tall, and handsome man would park his jeep on the roadway leading to the grave. Every evening he would also be joined by a young African-American girl, and every evening they would sit in front of the grave and would talk about nothing and everything.

Until today, five weeks after the ceremony, Brian was alone at the grave. After depositing the flower on the top he headed back to the jeep and to his loft.

He hadn’t seen any of his so-called friends in weeks and he hadn’t been at Babylon or Woody’s to practice his pain management 101. He couldn’t because it was Justin's last wishes. Yeah, he left a will behind him. A statement reserved just for him. If something happens, promise me to not let yourself drown your sorrows in a way that you won’t be able to stop. He'd signed this goddamn letter and Brian just had to deal with the pain.

As he stepped out of the lift, Daphne was in front of his door, suitcases around her, crying. She told him she couldn’t go to the grave with all the suitcases even though she wanted to go. She simply couldn’t. Brian told her it was okay and that they would go tomorrow, the next day, and the next.

Daphne would speak twice for the day she missed.

She stepped in the loft, pushing the suitcases in with her, and stood there, looking around. The loft had changed since the last time she was here; Brian had framed every good sketch of Justin's and had hung them on the wall behind the computer. He had also bought another desk and put all of Justin's art supplies there. All his brushes, pencils, charcoal. Everything.

But Justin wasn't there. He never would be, never again.

She stepped in further telling Brian from the kitchen that her father had disowned her and that he threw her out because the last time she slept with a boy, even if it was safe sex, something got wonky and she was pregnant.

Brian looked at her, confused. Until she said that the first, last, and only guy was Justin.

Daphne began to cry because with all this shit lately, she had passed the legal deadline for the abortion, and most of all she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go through with it.

After a few phone calls and rearrangement of the loft, Daphne settled in to live with Brian.

He went to work and she went to school.
He took care of the groceries and she took care of the cooking.
He helped her with her homework and she helped him to manage his pain.
She went to Lamaze classes and he went with her.
She had a medical appointment and he was there.

No one knew until Brian dropped the bomb one morning at the Diner after 10 months of avoiding everyone. “I’m dad again. It’s a boy and his name is Shaun Justin Taylor.”
Brian went to the hospital to see the light of his life, a beautiful baby; a perfect combination between Justin’s pale skin and Daphne’s tan one. Shaun had her hair color and texture and Justin's beautiful blue eyes, the same blue as Justin. Brian called Jennifer to tell her the news.

She was thrilled. She was a grandma and Brian laughed for the first time in 10 months and Daphne heard him. She told him she was glad, and he became alive again.

The loft change appearances again. Brian added a wall between the kitchen pillar, and the rotating panels and windows in the dining area. The access to that area was in the chaise lounge area. This was now Daphne and Shaun's place. It was like an open attic. If they needed some personal time they now had it.

The only thing they had to share was the bathroom and the kitchen.

***
Brian never fucked up the promise he made to Justin; he never drowned his sorrows in pain management 101. Most of all, he was always there for Daphne and Shaun.

Three years after Justin’s death they were still living together, with the same arrangement. She never dated anyone, and neither did Brian. They never tried.

He opened his own agency, giving him the name Justin had once scribbled on a sketchpad - “Kinnetik”. He hired Ted and Cynthia. Emmett was there to make the party.

Vic died a little while after the opening, his grave near Sunshine’s.

The visit to the grave became more spaced out, but the flower was still there every day.

***
Years Later:

Brian and Shaun were sitting on the grave like every Wednesday after school. Brian was listening to Shaun’s day. He was 15. He told Brian that Lukas was really beautiful and that he was really hot. Brian smiled. His son was gay even if he was raised between two parents. Not straight parents, but nevertheless. The most he grew, the more he had Justin’s features. Same look, same artistic aptitude, same nonchalance, only his hair and skin came from Daphne.

She’d married and lived in the loft beneath Brian. She had finally found her true love. After 7 years.

A car stopped on the roadway.

“We have to go. Sam’s here.” Shaun said his goodbyes to his father and moved toward the car. Brian stood slowly, his finger lingering along the tombstone. He heard footsteps behind him and a, “Hey Justin, I’m here too” from Sam. Then arms wrapped around his waist. “Hey”.

Like Justin, Sam was blond, not the same color as Justin's, and he had green eyes.
Like Justin, he met him hazardously.
Like Justin, he was younger than Brian - 10 years.
Like Justin, for some people in the gang, he was a ‘Blond Twink’.
Like Justin, he became a nickname, Arizona, because he came from there.

Brian met him while he was buying some groceries and Shaun ran between the aisles and into Sam’s legs when he was 6. Sam and Brian began to see each other. Brian Kinney doing dates. And after 2 years he moved in with Brian. He never replaced Justin in Brian’s heart and Sam knew it, but he was there and that was something.

Sam released his embrace on Brian and headed toward the car, waiting for Brian to follow.

Like every week, Brian kissed his finger and put them on the stone, saying, “Love you, always have, and always will. I never will love anyone more than I loved you. See ya next week.”

And Brian headed to the car. The drive home was silent, like always, until Shaun said, “Love you Dad.”

Finis